Free Samples

Trigger Words: Menstruation, Breast, Tampons, Pads, Nippular, Dime, Mail, more Breasts, Menses, Period, Bra, Shit, Flow

Perhaps like any prepubescent girl in the 1970s – or like some, or like very, very few prepubescent girls then. I really don’t know where on the curve I’m located – I was more than a little preoccupied with getting my period: the when and the where of it, and how I should and could be prepared. Little did I know that I would get my period while on vacation with my family on a beautiful tropical island in the Caribbean, or that my first words would NOT be, “Thank You, Earth Mother Gaia, for the gift of life-giving force that now flows from my body!”, but instead “Oh, shit!”. But that’s another story.

In order to be prepared for my menarche, the clinical term I used in my head to refer to my first menses, I thought it prudent to lay in supplies. Unfortunately, I was too shy to ask my mother, with whom I did not have the most open relationship. I mean, I was well into the ninth grade before I mustered enough nerve, borne out of desperation and a limited wardrobe that was capable of maintaining nippular (the word’s made-up, don’t look it up) modesty, to tell her that I needed a bra. “No, you don’t need a bra, you’re too small,” she replied. Two years’ worth of built-up unhappiness prodded me to reiterate my want of a bra, and so we made a trip to a downtown department store to buy casings for my 34C (!) bust. My mother exclaimed, upon hearing my buxomness confirmed by the saleswoman, “Who knew!”  Well, I knew, but it was now official. Glad that you were staying abreast of my body changes, Mom. 

Before my breast development got into gear, however, it was possible to avoid putting yet another difficult request to my mother: menstrual supplies or, to use a gentler term, feminine hygiene products. You see, besides the piles of retired Playboys and Life magazines stockpiled in our attic next to our beloved billiards table, there was a sizable backlog of my older sister’s retired Seventeen magazines. I took to leafing through them and discovered riches in the form of free advertisements and offers of free samples, all marketed to the newly-emerging teen market. These ads featured small, dotted-line-bordered forms one could tear out (although I marked the solemnity of the privilege by using scissors), fill in and send off with a dime for return postage (!) to the address in fine print below the coupon. The visual familiarity of the same few ads that were my favorites made it easy to eventually purge the stack of Seventeen’s of all of the products I sought.

And so I clipped and filled in my mailing information, sending in multiple requests – each mailed separately with its own dime – to these companies offering free samples. A few weeks after mailing my requests, I would receive a package from the appropriate company.  Besides enjoying the near-daily acquisition of mail (who doesn’t LOVE getting mail?!), I was equipping myself with a nice hoard of necessities to supply the newly-minted teen I was intending to become. Acne-fighting Neutrogena soaps (so many different shapes and sizes!)

to attend to the acne that would proclaim my hormones active; Modess menstrual pads, Kotex tampons, feminine wipes and deodorants; and various booklets related to all of these products. I’m talking a few dozen little Neutrogena soaps, and enough pads and tampons to keep me equipped through the first few years of my coming monthly tide’s ebb and flow. I was set, and all without needing to ask my mother!

I Dodged That Particular Bullet…

Many years and hotel stays later, I am still charmed by the small soaps and shampoos and samples that we take for granted as part of staying in paid lodgings. What brings all of this to mind, however, was my recent purge of old letters and cards. Included in the decades of birthday cards and letters from friends was the following letter (below), which made me laugh and wonder about what one really receives for free. It seems that luck was with me for this particular sample request. I even got my dime back!